Baptism is Better than Coffee



  • Was I Bap-a-tised? – Clip from Geordie Shore
  • Jesus Was a Capricorn (Owed to John Prine) – Kris Kristofferson
  • Love, Love, Love – Unknown Artist
  • Light – Sister Irene O’Connor
  • The First One in Heaven – Haruomi Hosono
  • Falling Asleep – D.R. Hooker
  • The Surface of the Water – CIRCUS UNDERWATER
  • Above the Below – Throbbing Gristle
  • Bury Me Deep – The Sisters of Mercy
  • Walking with Jesus – Spacemen 3
  • I Believe – Alan Vega

That day when I was accidentally baptised, it never occurred to me that their “would you like to join us for a cup of tea?” actually meant “would you like to be baptised?”

One “yesu” led to another and there I suddenly was—dressed in white at the back of a church with my adult body fully submerged into a pool of water by a stranger I’d just met.

Time moves slow when you’re underwater.

As a child, I went to Awana every Tuesday night for the biscuits and cheap coffee. At the end of the night, the church would drop me off at home just in time for me to turn on the TV and watch South Park. As I emerged from under the water and out of my “accidental” baptism, I felt bewildered joy. They clapped and congratulated me, offered me warm tea and coffee afterwards, and for those few hours, I suspended belief just to bask in the warmth of their happiness. Some say that they experience an epiphany after a baptism but mine hasn’t arrived yet—unless that epiphany was that I have a caffeine addiction.

Nonetheless, I went back home later that day and searched for the next available baptism at the nearest church.

This audio mix is an exercise in aquatic thinking: swimming through Christian folk, oceanic ambience and psychedelic rock to contemplate Jesus, failed transformation and acceptance.

About the author
Yoshiko Teraoka is a London-based writer whose work has recently been featured in Hainamana. She makes mixes when she should be working at her day job.